Tina Kakadelis
YA Author

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Burn Before Reading: A Carly Allen Story

Josie and the Pussycats is the Greatest Movie Ever! Join the Army.

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It’s time I come clean with you guys. There’s been something weighing heavy in my heart that I really need to say so that I can go on with my life. Josie and the Pussycats is the best movie from the early-2000s that nobody watched.

Whew. That's been weighing on me for a while.

Since I’m assuming you haven’t seen it (because literally no one has), I’ll give you the basic rundown. It’s about Josie, Mel, and Val who make up the band The Pussycats. They live in Riverdale aka the land of the Archie comics. They’re small town girls that want to make music and have people actually listen to it. Not just the three dudes at the bowling alley who are ignoring them.

This movie is about the beauty of friendship, love, and subliminal messaging by the government. Basically, the government puts subliminal messages in rock music to influence teenagers to spend their disposable on whatever the government pleases. They make these teenagers chase new trends weekly to give the economy a boost. What a weird concept for an adaptation of beloved children's comic book characters.

Of course, when the musicians catch on that there’s subliminal messages in their music, they have to be taken care of. That’s what happens to the boy band, Du Jour, and in a hasty effort to find a new government music money machine, Wyatt finds The Pussycats. They’re catapulted to instant stardom and rebranded as Josie and the Pussycats. It’s truly a mess of a movie. Like a really fun mess.

When did the film community decide that we no longer needed film credits in the beginning of the movie? Who decided that? What FOOL thought that we should stop? Lemme tell ya, this 100% proves that we were better off with introduction credits.

Also, fun fact, the people that wrote and directed this movie also wrote/directed Can’t Hardly Wait and A Very Brady Sequel. This movie is a GEM. My favorite part in all of it is the running gag of product placement. It is everywhere. Everyone made a big fuss about Jurassic World’s product placement, but I guarantee you they’ve never seen Josie and the Pussycats.

Like it’s everywhere. There’s barely a millimeter of space that doesn’t have some kind of product placement. Look at this nonsense:

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I meannnnn:

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There's a part where Josie and Alan M. are at an aquarium and there's an Evian advertisement in the tank with the dolphins. And it's just so utterly ridiculous. That may be my favorite product placement in the movie.

The best part about all of it is that they didn’t get paid for any of it. The directors were just like put it all innnnnn. It’s for the aesthetic, y’know? For the ridiculous, over the top, movie that's a satire on American consumerism. Yeah. Y'all thought this was just a fun movie about three girls following their dreams, but it's so much smarter than that. It's a damn good satire.

Of course, people don't understand that it was all a joke and thought the movie was actually trying to get the audience to buy all the stuff they advertised.

Sometimes I just want to smack critics and be like “REMEMBER WHEN YOU USED TO WATCH MOVIES FOR FUN” because I don’t think they do. This movie is fun. The soundtrack’s unbeatable. Even Alan M.’s little song about his broken car (that I sing to myself whenever I’m at a car shop) is catchy. I might be selfishly writing this post (when AREN’T my posts selfish) because 3 Small Words from the soundtrack is my dream karaoke song, but no karaoke establishment offers this. Why? Because you guys out there haven’t seen this classic filmé!

This movie’s also the first PG-13 movie I ever saw. It was the family friendly, edited edition, so it poorly dubbed over swear words. I remember my parents buying it from Walmart. (Why DID you buy it, Parents? Did you really like Archie when you guys were growing up??) I still have that DVD to this day and I genuinely don’t think I’ve seen the non-edited version.

Also, young me was very much enamored with Josie. So, I’m sure that’s another reason this movie is deeply cemented in my childhood. I should honestly be getting kickbacks from people buying this movie because I never shut up about it. I probably mention it at least once a day. But for good reason; it's the greatest movie in the world.

Watch Josie and the Pussycats. Join the Army. In that order.