Tina Kakadelis
YA Author

Blog

Burn Before Reading: A Carly Allen Story

I Have Nothing Bad to Say About Greta Gerwig

In the effort of total transparency, here is the whole quote that didn't make it onto the board because this damn letterboard kit didn't have enough "K's" to write "Knockers":

I want the whole deal. I want the dead-on-my-feet-wake-up-and-I'm-40. I've spent my whole life chasing after things and knocking at doors... and I'm tired of running towards people. I want to be the place that people come to. I want to make a home for all the knockers and runners. I'm good at that. I'm happy with that. I keep the hearth. That's a word, right? Hearth?

This is from one of my absolute favorite movies, Mistress America. That movie was co-written by Greta Gerwig and she also played the lead, Brooke. Seriously, if you haven't seen this movie, I implore you to find it somewhere and watch it. The first time I saw it, I think it was two a.m. and I was eating tomato soup and crying into said soup. It was the first movie of hers that I've seen and she just gets it. Well, her and Noah Baumbach.

And I am just in love with everything, but can't figure out how to make myself work in the world.

WELL IF THAT DOESN'T SUM UP MY EARLY QUARTER LIFE CRISIS I DON'T KNOW WHAT DOES.

I know Greta was in a Woody Allen movie, but it was two years before his sexual assault allegations came to light, so she didn't choose to work with a known abuser, just a bad director.

Ahem. I'll say it again.

WOODY ALLEN ISN'T AS GREAT AS PEOPLE THINK HE IS.

In fact, Greta Gerwig is the writer/director Woody Allen wishes he could be. Forget seeing New York City through Woody Allen's eyes, New York was meant to be seen with Greta Gerwig at the helm. There's a part in Mistress America where Tracy says something along the lines of "New York won't be the same without you" and it's true. Greta's character is one of best embodiments of a New Yorker. Subsequently, to me, Greta Gerwig just screams New York City despite having a Sacramento upbringing.

If you're one of those people who, like Kate Winslet, CAN SOMEHOW OVERLOOK WOODY ALLEN'S SEXUAL ASSAULT ALLEGATIONS, it's time to admit that he is not the best director by any stretch of the imagination.

Them's just the facts. Woody Allen hasn't made a good movie in years. (Also, I still don't really think he made anything really magical back in his Annie Hall days.) He's putting one out a year and they're awful. You're not making the movie you love if you're flying through the process. And, if you're flying through it, if you're always ready to leave early so that you can be home in time for the ball game, do you honestly care about the content you're putting out into the world? The answer's always no. (In fact, here's a whole Atlantic article about Woody Allen's mediocrity. Not that you needed another reason to dislike him, but now you have one.)

Anyway, Greta Gerwig is dope as hell, support her solo directorial and writing debut, Lady Bird, and, in lighter news, I met a cute girl in my apartment elevator two days ago. So, Lilly the nervous lil dog, if your owner is reading this and liked my joke about how men are the worst, drop me a line. (No, I didn't introduce myself to the girl, just the dog. Yes, I know I'm ridiculous.)