Thursday Playlist: Hello Darkness My Old Friend (The Hits of Glee)
Remember when I said that I was going to hold out as long as possible before doing my Glee playlist? Remember me saying that two literal weeks ago? Yeah, well I'm a disappointment with very little willpower because here we forking are. My inspiration to do it so soon came from a friend telling me that she knows someone who genuinely likes the Glee version of Time Warp more than the original and that is just unfathomable to me. I have already admitted before that in my darkest hours, some Glee songs are better than the original. (The key word there is "some.") That admission cost me two Twitter followers in the matter of minutes. I'm sorry that some people can't handle the cold, hard truth. As I will demonstrate in this playlist, in the midst of the chaos that is Glee, some songs hold up. Some of these are also my secret guilty pleasures that I indulge in only while driving alone.
We also all have to come clean and admit that some of the songs Glee sang should never have happened. That adult disaster of Mr. Schue should've never uttered one single rap. No one needed to see the one Asian woman's only substantial solo for an entire season be Gangnam Style. They shouldn't have even done Gangnam Style in the first place. We should all truly breathe a sigh of relief that Hamilton did not exist in the time of Glee. CAN. YOU. IMAGINE.
Maybe I'll do another playlist of the worst songs Glee has ever done. (Me @ Me: stop with these terrible suggestions, self?!)
Also, I'm going to put out there that this is not my perfect Glee playlist because I don't think anyone wants to just hear the hits of Quinn Fabray. You may notice that most of the songs are from the early seasons of the show and the reason for that is I can't bring myself to watch anything after the fourth season because at the end of the day, I love myself too much to subject myself to more of that mess.
Hello Darkness My Old Friend: The Hits of Glee
- I Feel Pretty/Unpretty by Quinn & Rachel (Originally by West Side Story and TLC) - I feel like this song is pretty (HA!) undisputedly on a lot of people's lists of positive things that came out of Glee. Their voices went very, very well together and if there was one thing Glee perfected over the years, it was the mashup.
Also Quinn Fabray is a total lesbian who wanted to bang Rachel Berry thankyouforcomingtomy TEDtalk.
- Valerie by Santana (Originally by Amy Winehouse) - In literally every other circumstance, I feel like I prefer male singers just because of my own limited singing abilities. However, across the board, the girls on the show were wildly better than the dudes. Like, aside from Artie and the guest stars, the dudes really slacked off. Plus, the dancing in this songggggg.
- Like A Prayer by Entire Cast (Originally by Madonna) - Um, why was Jonathan Groff not in this show from the beginning? I know he had things to do on Broadway or whatever, but he was the pretty dude voice the show was wildly missing. (We will NOT be speaking about Blaine on this blog.) Anyway. Madonna's great, the choir in this is awesome, and it's just a great cover.
- Somebody to Love by Entire Cast (Originally by Queen) - This was back before I lost all of my faith. Truly, the first thirteen episodes were a great show. Granted, this was back when they thought Rachel deserved every single solo, so I wish Mercedes got to sing more, but it's better than whatever's happening by the last season. Speaking of Rachel, thoughhhhh....
- Don't Rain On My Parade by Rachel (Originally by Barbra Streisand) - Regardless of your personal feelings on the character, this was the pivotal moment in the first thirteen episodes. It was triumphant and one of the best moments in scripted TV. It's fun to watch the good guys win and, back then, they were all the good guys. They were truly the underdogs and this moment felt deserved. Plus, Lea Michele's voice is unreal.
- Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend/Material Girl by The Season Four Girls (Originally by Marilyn Monroe and Madonna) - So, um, this song is my ducking jam. Like, full-out belting this song in my car. One time, I worked at a retail establishment where we could listen to music because it was so early. Well, they turned the speaker on Bluetooth and my stupid phone won the survival of the fittest Bluetooth fight, so everyone I worked with heard me listening to this song at 4:30 A.M. I wish I was more ashamed than I actually was.
- Start Me Up / Livin' On A Prayer by the Season Two (?) Girls (Originally by The Rolling Stones and Bon Jovi) - We're all friends here, so I think it's safe to admit that this is the scene that made me gay. Y'know, in a world where things can make you gay and it's not just genetics. So, a fake pretend world. In the real world, though, this scene is filled with very attractive women singing two dad rock classics and it is right up my alley.
- My Life Would Suck Without You by Season One Cast (Originally by Kelly Clarkson) - Sometimes I feel like Glee should've just ended after the first season and this song's pretty good proof as to why. They shot the first thirteen episodes in a bubble. Before anyone knew the phenomenon it would become and I think those episodes and performances were the best because they didn't have anything to prove or live up to. What a simpler time.
- Bohemian Rhapsody by Jesse St. James (Originally by Queen) - On the surface, cutting between a high school glee club performance of this song and a teenage girl giving birth sounds ludicrous, but it really, really works. Some people think it's super weird, but I don't know. I always really liked it. The choreography and the editing just made it all flow together. Maybe this is why I like weird indie movies now because I was exposed to this as a child.
- Anything Goes / Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better by Harmony (Originally on Broadway) - This girl was a runner-up on that Glee Project show. Somehow this voice lost to mediocre white boys?? Somehow both her and the kid that sings #13 on this list lost to white boys. Ah, the patriarchy in action.
- Paradise By the Dashboard Light by Season Three (?) Cast (Originally by Meat Loaf) - Clearly I am here for the dad rock magic. Listen, this version is better because 1. it's not sung by Meat Loaf, and 2. it's so much shorter. No one needs that extended baseball metaphor in the middle of the song. Plus, I just want Lea Michele to cover dad rock anthems until the end of time. That's all I want in life.
- And I Am Telling You by Mercedes (Originally from Dreamgirls) - Remember how I said that in the first season, the people in charge of picking cast members to sing songs forgot anyone but Rachel existed? Well, I'm glad they remembered Mercedes because this performance is definitely top three from the first season. It's time we're all honest and admit that Mercedes and Rachel were the two best vocalists on the show.
- If I Were A Boy by Unique Adams (Originally by Beyoncé) - Sometimes Glee actually did a really good job in regard to social justice commentary. (The school shooting episode is an instance where they dropped the ball numerous times over.) However, this was one of those times where they got it right. I still cry every time I watch it.
- Any Way You Want It / Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin' by Season Two (?) Cast (Originally by Journey) - So much of Glee is melded together in my mind, so I don't actually know when they performed this. I know this is also when they sang Faithfully. I feel like they hadn't let me down yet which is why I'm guessing season two. This was at Regionals or Nationals? I don't know. Whatever. Dad Jams 5ever.
Also Quinn Fabray why are you so constantly, overwhelmingly gay.
- Don't Stop Believin' by Season One, Episode One Cast (Originally by Journey) - So, I felt the need to really specify which version of the song I wanted to include because they beat this song to its death over the course of the series. I get it, Ryan Murphy, it's all coming full circle. Thank you for reminding all of us of that time and time again. Of the insane multitude of different versions, I think the first one has the most heart, so it's got my vote.
Honorable Mention: We've Got Tonight by Season Five Cast (Originally by Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band) - I don't advertise this a lot, but the original version of this song is one of my all-time favorite songs in the whole entire world. I have a shower playlist and playlist is a generous word because it's just this song on repeat. I've never sang it at karaoke, but I really, really want to. So it gets an honorable mention because I think Rachel's voice sounds so good on it and I wish she just sang it alone, but alas. And also, Marley Rose, I just love ya. You sing that one line.
Also this is just more proof Quinn is a raging homosexual thankyougoodnight.