Tina Kakadelis
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Burn Before Reading: A Carly Allen Story

Don't Talk to Me or My Baby Sister Ever Again (#Supergirl 3.07 Recap)

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“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

  • Me when they had Kara speak a full sentence to Mon-el without her figuring out that it’s him, despite the fact that he’s her one true love.

Yet Kara recognized Lena’s voice after hearing her speak only one word.

lol okay, Supergirl writers. If Kara Danvers is straight, then SO AM I.

This is the episode I've been looking forward to the least. Nobody needed Mon-el to return. Absolutely NO ONE. I guess he's been living in a ship beneath National City for a few months? How did no one notice a massive ship go into the water???

Also, I'd just like to point out that Kara can hear Alex's heartbeat no matter where she is, but she couldn't even hear Mon-el's dumb heartbeat when he was in the same damn city. But it's true love, I guess, so what do I know?

Sam goes to visit her adoptive mother and is like, was I bulletproof as a child because something weird is happening in my life. Also, how rude of Sam's adoptive mom to kick young, pregnant Sam out of her house for being pregnant.

Anyway, does anyone on this show NOT have mommy issues??

Sam finally finds out she was sent to Earth in a weird pod. I understand that this all building up to her being the Big Bad of the season, but it's such a shame. I'm really liking Sam. And the only way I'll take Lena going evil is if she and Sam take over the world together and destroy evil men. That's the ONLY scenario of Lena going evil I'll take. Everything else needs to GTFO.

I didn't realize the show was about to straight up LIE about last season. James said he hadn't seen Kara happier than she was last year and that Mon-el would never do anything to hurt her. I know the continuity on this show sucks, but I didn't realize it was THIS bad.

Also, I'm fifteen minutes in and Lena Luthor is nowhere to be found. So what are we even doing here? Plus, this is the first year we're not getting an Alex Danvers Gets Trashed At Thanksgiving episode. So, again, what are we even doing here?

Oh my godddd, J'onn's dad experiencing coffee for the first time is the cutest thing. I love this man.

Also, has Mon-el genuinely not changed?? I love that this is supposed to be his triumphant return and he's shooting at Kara and beating up DEO agents. He doesn't even get a super suit. Bless.

Kara punching out Mon-el after he attacks the DEO agents is my pure aesthetic tho👌. She's gotta stop making excuses for this douchey frat boy who doesn't love her.

Kara had this whole big speech about how deeply she's been broken since losing him. And Melissa Benoist acted it so well that for a brief millisecond of weakness, I was like shit, maybe she does love him. And then the camera panned to his bearded self and I was like no. You almost got me, Melissa. Almost. After all that, HE SAYS NOTHING TO HER. Then Kara says a line that might be one of my favorites, "Shame on me for having a human heart." I'm low-key loving the angst. But not Mon-el, he needs to go back from whence he came.

Where's the scene of Alex Danvers kicking his ass because he broke her baby sister's heart??? I DESERVE IT.

So apparently, the personified bottle of mayo has been aimless for seven years and went into the future where L-Corp created a cure and that's why he can exist on Earth again.  As if any descendant of Lena Luthor would make things easier for Mon-el.

Also, his crusty ass needs to give Kara her necklace back. He cares more about this dying Imra girl than he cared about Kara all last season.

Sam's still on her weird, Kryptonian walkabout and she's in a desert, I guess? This device from the pod she came on guides her to this thorny cave thing? I don't know. I still don't see how she's going to turn into a villain. Poor Lena, though. She thinks she has three friends, and pretty soon, she's going to have to watch two of her friends try to kill each other.

Stale White Bread Boy is like, sorry I moved on, I didn't know if I'd see you again. I know extraordinarily little about Doctor Who, but I do know that one of the Doctors waited a thousand some years for his girlfriend, so you couldn't have waited seven, Mikey??

Then, he's like "you never needed my protection" and launches into a weird story about how one time they went for all-you-can-eat ribs, as though that's an instance in which she needs his protection. What even is this relationship?

ARE YOU JOKING?! BLAND, SLAVE-OWNING, WHITE BREAD MON-EL GOT SHACKED UP IN KARA'S ABSENCE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I'M CRYING. THIS IS FORKING HILARIOUS.

So much for star-crossed lovers.

Oh, man, nothing says true love like giving up hope on getting back to the one you love. Damn, Mikey, you cold. I knew you were a douche, but this is a new low. Kara literally asked five minutes ago who the girl is and he's just like her name is Imra, not "my wife." I hate this POS.

Clearly, Mon-el was fine this whole time because he had NO trouble getting hitched. God, what a mess. AND THEN he flat-out outs her as Supergirl. Is anything sacred to him??

A literal minute ago, he was like, I shouldn't have kept secrets from you, BUT THEN DIDN'T TELL HER HE WAS MARRIED. What kind of white boy nonsense.

I hope this episode proved to Kara that she spent seven months mourning the loss of a boy who doesn't give a shit about her and that she can do so much better. AKA James Olsen or Lena Luthor.

Sam's back in the weird cave and it's foreboding as hell, but she decides to explore because I guess she's not as smart as I thought she was. Apparently, she's destined to be a Worldkiller and she's like no, "I'M A GOOD PERSON." Which is my go-to excuse for anything.

I do like that they've made it so they're forcing her to change into Reign and it's something she didn't choose because I think it would've been awful writing and wildly out of character. Not that that's stopped them before!

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Mood of 2017

Anyway, that's it for this week. Tune in next week for my thoughts on the crossover episodes. Pray that Sara Lance and Alex Danvers get trashed at Barry and Iris' wedding to have a multiverse one-night stand.

(Hi, I know I've been MIA for a while. It's National Novel Writing Month and I have been TRYING to finish this forking book. I'm like almost there, but what's really exciting is that I think I have a plan?? Stay tuned.)